Dear Friends,
I recently received this from a source who will remain anonymous with, let's say, a different take on the American political scene and priorities. Enjoy the word play. Pass it on.
ZION TEMPLE SCHOOL
We're fighting ZITS
A zero tolerance Christian elementary school
Memo: To wit:
From: Office of the Principle
To: Parents of little ZITS, Hairy R., Leesa M., Jon B., Mittsh M. and Baarock HO.
SUBJECT: School Suspensions and Christmas Pageant 2013
Dear Parents:
We regret to inform you (thinking - not very much) your child will be suspended from ZITS elementary, where every little ZIT is a treasure. Due to severe budget cuts (thinking - they have no cents) we can no longer afford to send separate parent letters. At ZITS we're proud of our one size fits all private policy. Hereinafter your little ZIT will be denied recess privileges for the indefinite future (thinking - yeah Guantanamo Bay!) for the following infarction's.
1. Food fighting in the hall: Offenders - Leesa, Jon, Mittsh, Baarock, Hairy others in same Class.
Principle recap: Children will be children, still immature for their age. You are aware we use the Golden Rule at ZITS
to spank. We spank fannies only when necessary. It was. Our GR broke. They fractured it.
(thinking - hard little asses, they're sorry asses now, bottom line).
2. Bullying: Offender - Little Leesa, others too, not just now
Principle recap: Leesa for bulling Qen S. He wouldn't give her his Rocky Road sucker. Leesa's a bright ZIT but likes
to throw her weight around (thinking - a little blackmailer already, musta learned that from her daddy
Phrank). Leesa's trying to suck up to her friends at home by taking Qen's RR sucker. She had a
hissy fit when he wouldn't hand it over. Watches too much C - Span??? Threatened to take
Juwell, pal Baarock's doll away (thinking - weird little ZIT). She's a sweet ZIT most of time. Wants to
be a lawyer. I tried to discourage her.
3. Name calling: Offenders - Baarock, Jon. Mittsh, Hairy
Principle recap: Baarock called Jon and Mittsh "crackers," per no. 1 above. Jon and Mittsh called Baarock an
uppity "n" word (thinking - he is a bit tall for his age). At ZITS, we're a zero tolerance religious school
(thinking - little bastards deserved a lick'in, better red than dead!).
4. Uncooperative and not sharing: Offenders (in no preferred order ) - Leesa, Jon, Mittsh, Baarock, Hairy - more at
one time or another.
Principle recap: We teach all our little ZITS to share and cooperate - as I know you are. What happens if they forget
the basics when they grow up? They could end up in government.
5. Breaking the GR: Offenders - Baarock all the time lately, others in Class - more often than not.
Principle recap: Baarock caught throwing paper airplanes with stink bombs in the halls. It was just a joke - he
said, (thinking - he has a liars smile already). He nearly poked a girls eye out. He's a ZIT with
big ideas. If a grown up did it with the real thing, you could kill some one!
On a positive note: You'll be pleased to know ZITS bought model RC (radio controlled) drones so our
children can learn to play constructively. Baarock has a knack for it. Does you.
proud.
PS: ZITS are little sinners too. We forgive them one and all (thinking - if they "f" up again they're out a the
Pageant.
On to the Christmas Pageant, CP hereinafter
Parent note: We are planning early to accommodate our foreign guests. And we got that it's usually boring. ZITS has
engaged Mikhael More as new Producer/Director to put joy in it, with new sets, and characters, and music.
This season we've invited No Rules Apply elementary school (NRA) to join us. Their principle Dayvid
Qeen will take a shot at play acting in our CP extravaganza. They're like us, old school, traditional
values. Send you a magazine clipping; loaded with details. No - parents must check "heat" at the
door. They'll debut their "fight" song - Heavy Metal - plug it in somewhere. It's a killer, you'll like it.
We're very please to get them.
CP Outline (contemporary/traditional mixed) a work in progress.
ACT 1: Scene 1; Theme - He's coming (contemporary)
Set: On the Hill
Cast of ZITS (honorary): Jack Benny, George Burns, Don Rickles as The Three Wise Men (note to MM: photo
shop it, find dead ringers for parts, look in the halls)
Musical support: Grateful Dead
Scene Opener: cast facing Star in the east (they're arguing about whom), sing "Hail to the Chief."
ACT 2: Scene 2; Theme - He's here (traditional, set only)
Set: Bethlehem Manger
Cast in order of appearance: Feedel as baby Jesus - special Cuban guest appearance by MM invitation
Jon, Mittsh, and Leesa as The Three Wise men - all ZITS
(note to MM: unable ta find third male Wise Man in Jon and Mittsh's Class, use
Leesa as filler)
Nancy P. as Mary - a ZIT too
Baarock as Joseph - another ZIT
(note to MM: use whatever white flour it takes).
Hairy R. as walk on Shepard
Dayvid Qeen (NRA) as Donkey
(note to MM re Donkey: It's really an Ass. There's many walking our halls
that would make good Asses. How some ever, Dayvid Q. said the part suited him
best. We agree. He gets it. He's the perfect Ass of the year for our 2013
Pageant.
Scene Opener: Three Wise Men arrive, look in manger, cut to Baby Jesus, head shot (debearded Feedel in the
hay) burst out laughing, sing NRA fight song -
HEAVY METAL
We love guns,
Gun are fun,
Guns don't kill,
We got "muscle" on the Hill,
Ban our 15's if you can,
If you do, the "s" hits fan.
Scene Closer: With Mary and Joseph plus walk on Shepard, Hairy R. They play pin the tail on the Ass
(thinking - he'll be one sorry Ass if they do) all sing Jesus Loves me to Baby Jesus. Curtain
close, First Act, Wise Man Don R. walks off stage with Ass - proclaiming, "yes my friends - once
an Ass always an Ass."
ACT 3: Scene 3; Theme: He returns, who cares??? (contemporary)
Set: Guantanamo Bay - A tortured history, in honor of Feedel's family,
(note to MM: honorarium background music, suggested - Mikhael Row Your Boat A Shore, you got ohooo
so close MM but no cigar)
Cast: Same as ACT 2,
Scene Opener: Jesus (adult Feedel with false beard) in orange jump suit behind razor wire yelling
- set my captives free, lift the embargo, pleads for Restorative Justice. Manger ZITS, NRA Ass
turn back on him. Jesus says "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass
against us. Love one another as I have loved you. If you say it in my name and don't do it
you're a hypocrite or politician. If you do it but don't say it, gracias amigos."
Scene Closer: teleprompter plays words for Silent Night - dead silence; Up stage - Baarock, and Nancee,
continue to play pin the tail on the Ass. Curtain falls, Jon, Mittsh, Leesa, Hairy
scratch heads, Restorative Justice, huh - we don't get it???
THE END (unless it isn't)
Note to parents: Not all fleshed out yet. Little ZIT Leesa M., volunteered to look up Restorative Justice; will
make presentation to assembly next fall; can't get being a lawyer out of head. NRA elementary will peddle
CD's of Heavy Metal afterward. To order call 1 - A15 USE AMMO for price, availability, no background checks.
Security - TSA
Travel arrangements - Cubana Airlines
Promotion - Radio Bimbo Limbo
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